Prepare a difficult conversation with your child

Help me prepare a difficult conversation with my child.

1. **State what I actually want out of this.** ***Information, a change in behavior, or for them to know something? Those are three different conversations*** — **do not run them together**
2. **What I know versus what I am assuming.** ***List the assumptions as questions to ask, not as things to state***
3. **How to open it** — ***not with the accusation, and not at the moment I found out.*** **Say when and where**
4. **Questions rather than statements.** ***More listening than talking*** — **and what to do with silence rather than filling it**
5. **What they may be afraid of** in this conversation. *Usually that is what shapes their answer more than the facts*
6. **What I will say if they lie, or say nothing, or get upset** — ***prepared, so I do not improvise it***

**Then:**
- ***What not to say*** — **comparisons to siblings or others, anything about their character rather than the behavior, anything I would not want repeated back to me**
- **What I am willing to change on**, decided in advance
- **How to end it so the next conversation is still possible** — ***that matters more than settling this one***
- **When to stop and come back to it**

⚠️ ***Do not give medical, developmental, or psychological assessments. Do not say whether anything is normal for an age.*** **If what I describe could need professional attention, say so once, plainly, and stop.**
***Do not write the conversation as a script to read.*** **Give me the structure and the questions.** ***Do not assume the child's age or what they did beyond what I told you.***